When I was little I used to cry a lot! Like a lot! This my mom tells me each time I try and complain about how Kbear (my daughter) likes to scream and cry for no reason. Well, some memories I can recall on my own. Especially around the time when I was about 4 and a half years old.
Boy, did I loved to cry, scream, and whine, for absolutely NO reason!
What I didn’t understand then is how my mom could just sit back and watch me cry without even flinching. In my tiny little brain, the only reason I could come up with was that my Mom didn’t love me enough. Pretty crazy, right? Especially because I watched my Mom literally work herself crazy trying to make sure that I had anything and everything I needed – and those that I wanted to need.
But still, I never did understand how she could just give me once glance and continue with what she was doing while I screamed my little lungs out.
She wasn't bothered at all!
Fast forward to many many moons later and I have my daughter – who is now 3 turning 4 years old real soon. A daughter who like me, enjoys screaming and crying for no particular reason. I mean that loud piercing scream that you try really hard to ignore but it’s still there. That one that comes with no tears AT ALL. Not even a single drop.
And yes, like my Mom, I just give one glance and I carry on with what I was doing.
Don’t worry, I make sure that she’s okay, fed, no injuries, not tired – If all is good,well, then I just embrace the screaming.
It didn’t hit me until very recently that A-C-T-U-A-L-L-Y this is exactly what my Mom did and in that moment I finally truly GOT it.
It’s not that she didn’t care. It’s not that she wasn’t interested or concerned about my feelings. It’s rather that she knew very well that I was screaming and crying for no reason.
I now look at Kbear do exactly the same thing I did to my Mom and I do to her exactly what my Mom did to me!
I fully GET it now.
It took me a long while but now I know and like me back then, I don’t think Kbear gets it but i’m sure she’ll will someday. It’s not because I don’t love her enough that I let her scream her little lungs out but rather that I need her to understand that using her mouth to tell me what she wants is much more effective. It may seem like tough love – well maybe it is – but it’s all out of love.
The screaming still continues and while I wait for it settle down – hopefully it does – I sit here fully content because I completely get it. My Mom loved me and she still loves me to this day – even when she laughs at me when I complain about Kbear’s screaming habits.